1. It is advisable to eat something heavy at least an hour before a game
2. It is better to go three goals down straight away, this will serve to
find the right motivations that will make you play with a determination never
seen before
3. When the opponent swims off in counter attack, it is preferable to count
until three before trying to catch up. It is fair and noble to give everyone a
chance
4. When your team is playing the “man up” ,the pass of the ball between
team mates must be as slowly as possible and to the most marked player when
he’s not looking
5. You can’t win all the time ,it’s the taking part that counts…and you get
one point
6. It is advisable to do at least a dozen shots from 10 metres away,
preferably from very awkward positions
7. Before making a drive , check
there is another player who’s willing to drive in with you
8. It is preferable to pass the ball in the middle ,when the hole man is in
great difficulties
9. In the event the game is played more than 10 miles from your home , here
are some suggestions for excuses you could tell the captain:
-Unfortunately my cat has acute conjunctivitis and
I need to put eye drops every hour ,this prohibits me to attend
-The little finger of my left hand has become
increasingly swollen; I can’t even hold the ball
-I thought the game was to be played next Monday
and I have already booked a holiday that I can’t cancel, I will be thinking of
you all
10. While the captain is talking ,you must tell the man next to you about
the bender you went on the night before
11. Obtain the minimum with maximum effort
12. It is always possible to make the remark at the end of a game:”I think
we could have won this”
13. When your goalkeeper saves a penalty, it is preferable not to sprint for
the rebound.
14. Before passing the ball in the middle, draw a circumference with radius
AB(with the centre in B) , draw a isosceles triangle ; if the triangle has two
congruent sides then it will also have two congruent angles ; taking into
account that in Euclidean geometry the sum of the internal angles of a triangle
is always 180 degrees , divide 180 by the number of players of the opposing
team whose girlfriend you secretly fancy and count up to the result of the
division ; at that point someone will shout something from the bench and shoot
immediately.
15. It is best to call the time out when the ball is in the opposition’s
hand or in our hand and with a clear opportunity to score
16. It is advisable for everyone to go to away matches with their own car so
as to make it difficult to find parking and optimise costs
17. Substitutions during the game can be done like in basketball….the player
from the bench can get in where he wants, when he wants and how he
wants(waterpolo standards recommend the flying bomb)without waiting for the
other player to be already out of the water
18. It is possible to fart very loudly when sitting on the bench ,but only if
the offender does claim it immediately after , otherwise it will not be
considered valid and disallowed
19. Better slow than fast
20. Remember to let the referee know at every opportunity available what you
really think about him; in the likely event of a disagreement , members of his
family could be used
1 comment:
That bad a Croydon was it!!
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